I have always wondered why it should not be possible to keep your consciousness engaged and awake despite advancing years. Then I discovered a gem of a book called The Fountain of Age, by Betty Friedan (Simon & Schuster, $25) that demonstrates how it is indeed possible.

Though written in 1993, Friedan’s observations are still pertinent years on. Her detailed account of research into ageing showed that, while there is a predictable decline in our physiology, there is nevertheless clear evidence (although more difficult to measure) of growth in our emotional, intellectual and spiritual capacities.

Scientific evidence accumulated in the decades since Friedan’s book only supports this further. So why is it that we have come to view getting older as something to be camouflaged and battled?

The stereotypes of ageing

We live in a completely youth-obsessed culture. Youth equals beauty, success and creativity. Unfortunately, much past research about ageing has been conducted on people in nursing homes, so unsurprisingly ageing has become equated with loss, decay and deterioration. In surveys that ask individuals to describe older people, the following statements sum up common attitudes: They are not open-minded or adaptable. They are not physically or sexually active. They are not useful members of society. Their medical condition becomes their life. They are a bore, a chore, a duty and a burden. They are negative, complaining or self-absorbed. Who would want to run towards this life stage with open arms?

It’s no wonder we are obsessed with avoiding ageing via wrinkle creams and cosmetic surgery. While there may be articles on being beautiful and fabulous over 40 or 50, they are still all about looking forever young. We admire older people who don’t look their age as if looking your age is shameful.

In the media, where we unconsciously soak up society’s attitudes and expectations, there are very few images of older people. To be precise, only 1–2 per cent of television shows and commercials show images of older people. It’s the same in the print media and this is the case even when a magazine isn’t geared towards young people. You would need to bury your head deep and long in the sand to avoid the sense that as an older person you are obsolete, purposeless and invisible!

Physical appearance

One of the most obvious challenges of coping with getting older is dealing with the change in appearance, particularly for women. We rage against the wrinkles and the weight. And looks do count. It’s tough watching them fade. It especially makes women angry that no matter how much time they spend in front of the mirror they still can’t look the way they want.

By all means continue to eat well and exercise regularly to maintain optimal health and sustain an appealing appearance as you get older. However, at some stage it’s critical to accept and embrace yourself as you appear now instead of wishing you could look like you did when younger. Women complain about becoming invisible at a certain age, but after we die do we want people to say, “She looked 10 years younger” or “She lived a great life”?

I know what I’d choose. By clinging to the illusion of youth you may just miss the goodies that come with age. (More about that later.) Thankfully, research shows that, while the fear of losing youthful beauty is an obsession for middle-aged women, older women transcend it. They don’t worry about how they look and say they like how they look.

So the good news is it’s just the transition stage we have to get through and then our self-image recovers with age. This doesn’t mean we give up on our looks. I have seen older women who are interesting and creative and dress with style and a unique expression of their individuality. They remind me it is possible to look great when you are older and defy the stereotypes of wearing frumpy frocks and getting your hair set.