Depression. If you’re like most people, you probably wanted to pull away at the sight of the word. Our memories and associations remind us that depression is an unpleasant state of being. In fact, depression is often defined, above all, by the absence of pleasure. That’s not a very nice place to be. At the very least, our experience of depression is uncomfortable and, at worst, debilitating and for some even life-threatening. What it is to be depressed will be different for all of us. Our subjective experience of it will always be exquisitely personal and intimate.

Depression is broadly characterised by feelings of despondency and dejection. It’s often accompanied by a sense of worthlessness, emptiness, hopelessness and despair. If we believe the figures, few of us are immune to depression. It’s estimated that one in four women and one in six men will develop an episode of depression during their lives. Interestingly, the word comes from the Latin deprimere, which means to “press down”. There’s a clue in that. What is it that we are all so busily pressing down? Many therapists believe it’s unresolved grief and unresolved anger.

Anxiety

Where there is depression, there will often be anxiety as well. The two quite happily co-exist like partners. Anxiety, though, has a different quality of energy. Depression has a heavy energy to it: an almost palpable gravitational pull that draws you inwards and downwards. Anxiety, on the other hand, makes you feel uptight, panicky, scattered and ungrounded. The literal meaning of anxiety is “twisted rope”, and that’s often how we feel when we’re apprehensive about the future or feeling out of control.

The anxious person will often find himself or herself easily agitated, quick to anger and very impatient. Anxiety is always produced in relation to time; that is, in regard to concerns about the future. Our thoughts naturally tilt us forward into a supposed or imagined future. What lies at the core of anxiety is our anger and frustration at not being able to control the world or to create it as we would want it to be. Shamanic healer, therapist and psychologist, Paul Perfrement, believes anxiety is also the fear of having to process something that hurts or is potentially painful.

Roots of mental illness

Why are we so fearful and unwilling to experience the feelings we are burying away? One reason is that as individuals and as a culture we’re uneasy with intra-psychic pain. We don’t sit well with it. In fact, we’ve become a little pain-phobic. We resist it and pull away from it. Some of us may even develop a lifelong habit of withdrawing from experiencing our innermost suffering. Perhaps we’re more willing to live with depression and anxiety than to take them as a sign there’s inner work to be done.

Our modern culture colludes with our tendency to avoid pain. To have depression earns us an unflattering image. There’s still a huge stigma around mental illness. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons we put off seeking help. A recent study of 1212 British men found that more than two-thirds had experienced depression and/or anxiety in their lives. One in three men admitted to being too embarrassed or ashamed to seek help for a mental health problem, while 17 per cent of those who had experienced depression said they suffered in silence.

Sydney GP Dr Vicki Howell says almost all the women she sees in her practice have some kind of anxiety issue. It might be generalised anxiety, panic attacks or some kind of addictive behaviour. “It can even be as simple as addictive materialism, addictive shopping or compulsive doing. There are all kinds of anxious behaviours.” She believes many women have become high on anxiety. The “busy” lifestyles these women pursue keep them from ever experiencing the feelings that hide beneath their tension and fear; it keeps them from recognising what’s really going on inside.