Have you ever experienced a moment of realisation when, all of a sudden, you felt clear about your direction and what would make you happy, successful and give your life true meaning? After this insight, no doubt you felt confident that this time you would not fail, but instead relentlessly pursue new destiny.

But have you actually realised this destiny? Or is it just in rare moments away from your always-hectic life that you realise the “if only …” You have your reasons and excuses and, if you’re honest with yourself, you admit that this goal – just like all those preceding it, and those that are still to come – is now buried in the ever-growing cemetery of your unrealised dreams and plans.

Why is it that regardless of the importance of our goals, we hardly ever achieve them, but prefer to stay in the rut? Is there anything we can do to improve the odds of making our plans come to fruition?

The pillars of success

Three pillars are required for success. They are: defining the goals relevant for you; making the right decisions about the way to achieve these goals; and following your decisions with the appropriate action. Having managed scores of people in diverse situations, I have come to realise that it is the third pillar, action, which fails people the most.

With the first pillar, although you may not have defined which goals are right for you, you may still be able to describe what it is that you are trying to achieve. The second pillar, decision making, is a skill you can learn and become good at. But unlike the first two pillars, which can take place at your leisure, action has to be carried out continuously in the third – and therefore it’s the first to be dropped and forgotten. As a result, we too often find that what we know we should be doing is different from what we actually do.

As this is true for both our personal and professional lives, in order to improve employees’ performance, I used to send them to self-improvement seminars. But neither courses nor self-help books ever led to the desired results, and now I realise how naive I was. After all, did I really expect that a few days of seminar talks and workshops would have a lasting effect, when those who have truly mastered personal change attribute it to their long-term, dedicated effort? Martial art masters say that a minimum of three years of regular training is required to change behavioural patterns. The famous actors’ trainer Kristin Linklater was more lenient; she believed that in her training of artists, “to effect real change you must plan a daily session of at least an hour, over the period of at least one year.” So, as hyped and motivated as you may feel after a life-improving workshop, do you believe that those dedicated professionals have been wasting their lives striving to achieve what can be mastered in a weekend?

Why can’t we change our actions?

Taking action is not the challenge. After all, we live in a society in which action is easier than non-action. The true challenge is taking the right course of action. It is about doing what is needed, not what you are good at. It often requires breaking old patterns and replacing them with new behaviours. This cannot be achieved without long-term commitment, dedication, and careful planning. And this cannot be acquired over a weekend.

You may have experienced this for yourself, for instance if you ever decided to stop smoking or drinking, start a diet or pick up an exercise routine. At first you feel excited about your decision: waking up early every morning to do your exercises makes your mind clearer, your body energetic like never before, and your entire day brighter. With such an obvious reward, how can you possibly fail?

Yet, a few weeks later, you may feel tired, and tell yourself that after such dedication you deserve some rest – especially after you had such a late night and you are so unbelievably tired. But once you’ve allowed yourself an excuse, your old habits, which you thought had gone forever, reappear. Soon, excuses replace your training routine, which soon becomes a distant memory.

Every action you take enforces existing patterns and makes them more likely to be repeated and more difficult to replace, in a life-long cycle of karma. Various factors may contribute to your inability to break away from old patterns and acquire new ones. Which of them affects you the most?