Any examination of success and failure, or indeed life, must acknowledge that they only exist in terms of perspective. Of course, there are times when “failure” is seemingly absolute, such as when you achieve less than 50 per cent on an exam, you don’t get a job or a romantic relationship ends. Even in these cases, though, while the external judgement is absolute, your reaction to it is an entirely personal matter.

What this comes down to is that one person’s failure is another person’s success. If I am the “Number 1” tennis player in the world, then to lose in the quarter-finals of Wimbledon might be considered failure. If I am someone who knocks a tennis ball around occasionally but has not played competitively for a decade or more, then to reach the quarter-finals of Wimbledon would be a major success, not to mention an outright miracle. Even for the Number 1 player, though, depending on their expectation, and their self-belief, and the circumstances on the day, they too may not experience the loss as a failure.

Failure and success are in truth simply points along the spectrum of life. As such, neither needs to be feared and the best way to dispel fear is through knowledge. So in this article we will seek to know success and failure as best we can. Let us begin then as true lotus-eaters would with what most of us regard as the more palatable end of the spectrum: success.

Let’s talk about success

While the particular qualities of success will vary from person to person, there are a couple of universal aspects to success. First, to be successful is to be connected; to family, to friends and to the wider community. That is, success involves being aware of the needs of others and not simply focusing on your own existence.

Second, to be successful involves doing what you want to be doing. To do the things you want to, however, requires that you know what you want to do. In turn, this demands a degree of self-knowledge and that requires time spent in getting to know your own mind.

Being connected and knowing your mind are the two pillars of a successful life.

How does this relate though to the common perceptions of success? What of fame, wealth, beauty and holidays in Biarritz? For a start, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things. The question is, though, are they valid markers of success? The answer, unfortunately, is nobody knows and nobody knows because it all comes back to your motivation. Markers of success will differ from person to person.

Victor Sultas is a life and business coach who says, “I ask my clients to define their own success by what they value most on a lifetime basis ... in terms of work pursuits, community contribution, family, friends, wellbeing and gratitude. This means you don’t judge yourself by what others value. So, if material gain is your thing and it brings you peace, happiness and health, trust what you value and go for it.” What Sultas is touching on here is that success is an internal event. It comes from living congruently with your own true nature and values.