{"id":1336,"date":"2021-03-10T12:29:43","date_gmt":"2021-03-10T01:29:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/?p=1336"},"modified":"2021-03-02T12:57:51","modified_gmt":"2021-03-02T01:57:51","slug":"bridging-the-political-divide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/bridging-the-political-divide","title":{"rendered":"Let’s talk politics: Bridging the political divide at home"},"content":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s nothing like a crisis to spice up a family dinner, and this year has delivered a typhoon of crises<\/a>. We\u2019ve lived, and argued, through an unprecedented bushfire season, an unprecedented pandemic and global race protests at, yes, an unprecedented scale.
\nPolitically speaking, these are rancorous times. Polarisation is at an all-time high<\/a> and the impacts within our homes and families are significant. On the heels of each world-shifting headline, a series of tense arguments, flying tempers and buried heads have ensued in households across the country. But these conversations are too delicate to settle with a screaming match and too important to sweep under the rug.<\/p>\n

As citizens of the world, as players in democracy, we have something of an obligation to act upon our values rather than our basest instincts. It\u2019s thankless to get into Facebook arguments and often painful to enter into dinner table ones, but our fight or flight modes don\u2019t do justice to the difficult conversations we desperately need to have.<\/p>\n

After all, it\u2019s not \u201cjust politics\u201d. It\u2019s about saying this is who I am and this is what I care about. Political views are about how you think other people should be treated. They are a reflection of your values and morals and how you put those morals into practice, even in situations that don\u2019t directly impact you.<\/p>\n

Tempting as it is to bury angry uncle Tony in the mashed potato and be done with it, silence in the face of bigotry or hate is not kind; it simply shifts the emotional burden to another person. Sometimes, living your politics means challenging those around you, even if they\u2019re family.<\/p>\n

Our social networks have become noxious echo chambers, pulsing with one-sided, and increasingly extreme, rhetoric. It\u2019s hardly surprising we\u2019re at a loss of how to behave when we encounter opinions beyond our own bubbles, especially when they\u2019re held by someone we\u2019re actually related to. That we\u2019re intrinsically tied to someone who thinks differently from us is at total odds with the carefully curated landscape of validation we build online.<\/p>\n

That disbelief easily spirals into angry judgement. Tempers flare and plates of chicken parmy grow cold in awkward silence. But these encounters should not be about sharpening our rhetorical knives. Approached with genuine curiosity, there is so much value in engaging with someone beyond your own bubble. These conversations are an opportunity to inspect our own opinions and consider other points of view.<\/p>\n

If growth is truly the objective, then, crucially, we must recognise the difference between debate and dialogue. Debate is about persuasion, dialogue about curiosity. We have a much better shot at meaningful conversation if we view it as a process of learning rather than a chance to win over the other side.<\/p>\n

When we talk about politics, we are often our most righteous, sanctimonious even, selves. But when we talk about love or fear or life, we are gloriously human in our complexity. By its nature, debate reduces us to one hellbent, shouting side; too often we lose nuance and those sweet spot shades of grey. We set out to \u201cwin\u201d an argument and unravel all sense of dignified intricacy to get there.<\/p>\n

The internet, with its ensnaring clickholes of judgement, has certainly played its part in the demise of grounded conversation. There\u2019s little room for nuance in the passages of vitriol so often spouted online. No matter the content, you can be sure to find piles of comment filth lurking below, levying uninhibited hatred against people sitting on the opposite side of the fence. Oh how easy it is to demonise the other side when you exist in a homogenous bubble, but this is no training ground for constructive conversation or effective listening.<\/p>\n

Having family members who think differently from you doesn\u2019t negate your own views, and allowing space for their opinions doesn\u2019t compromise your morals. After all, unless you encounter differences of opinion, how can you think new things? If our own views can\u2019t withstand a little opposition, perhaps they\u2019re not as sound as we would like to think.<\/p>\n

Be realistic<\/h2>\n

Don\u2019t approach a conversation like a 19th-century missionary determined to radically change your opponent\u2019s mind. This will inevitably lead to disappointment and frustration. Conversations don\u2019t need winners and losers and you\u2019re unlikely to change someone\u2019s mind after a single dialogue. Make it your aim to learn something new; neither party has to shift, but both should leave with a little more understanding.<\/p>\n

Ask open-ended questions<\/h2>\n

Non-threatening, open-ended questions are a great way to invite the other side to discuss an issue without fear of judgement. People will be decidedly less defensive if they feel you have created a safe space for them to speak.
\nDeepen the conversation with follow-up, non-judgemental \u201cwhy\u201d questions. By exploring why the other side has arrived at a certain conclusion or their reasoning behind an opinion, you will be better equipped to understand their point of view as an evolution of thought rather than a standalone opinion.<\/p>\n

Giving the other side this space to speak and reason may bring up inconsistencies in their argument and provide talking points for later on, but fully explore the other person\u2019s perspective before jumping into your own.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t just wait your turn to speak \u2014 listen<\/h2>\n

An important ingredient for any successful conversation is listening \u2014 not listening to respond, but listening to understand. If we can\u2019t grant this respect to the other side, we cannot expect to see it reciprocated. When the other person has finished speaking, summarise their argument to make them feel heard and ensure you have understood correctly.<\/p>\n

Agree where you can<\/h2>\n

If you want to influence someone\u2019s views, build an alliance first by agreeing where you can. Rebuttals rarely change minds, but showing people that you\u2019re taking their perspective seriously and can see both sides of the issue will increase the chances of them listening to you too. Yes, it can be difficult to agree on specific policies or individuals, but facts, values and goals offer plenty of scope for common ground.<\/p>\n

Step away if things get overheated<\/h2>\n

Raging at people across the political spectrum will do nothing to disrupt the cycle of hate. Emotion drives our political opinions far more than we might like to admit, but it is also the antidote to productive conversation. Yes, our politics are an extension of who we are, but we must differentiate between attacks on our beliefs and attacks on ourselves.
\nIf a conversation becomes emotionally charged, take a pause or step away. Your agitation will only lead to distress and no good comes from hurtling abuse to and fro.<\/p>\n

Rely on personal storytelling<\/h2>\n

Personal narratives invite empathy and connection \u2014 two pillars of meaningful conversation. If angry uncle Tony tends to, say, doubt the existence of racial bias, try to recall a time when you might have been less informed and show how your views on the topic have evolved over time as evidence has emerged. When you expose common ground, people will be more open to examining the evidence before them in a more rational way.<\/p>\n

Set boundaries<\/h2>\n

If we can\u2019t talk to our families about the things that divide us, you\u2019ve got to wonder where we can, but that doesn\u2019t mean being open to difficult conversations 24\/7. Especially if you\u2019re living with family members who regularly take an opposite stance, be sure to set boundaries around how often you\u2019re willing to engage in this type of conversation. It\u2019s okay to say, \u201cI\u2019m not in the mindset to discuss difficult issues tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

Charlie Hale is an English-born journalist based in Sydney, where she writes about a plethora of things women care about \u2014 from pasta to politics and everything between. Charlie is also the deputy editor of WILD, WellBeing and EatWell magazines.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We are living in a polarised world and, on a more intimate scale, in increasingly divided families. For those engaging in difficult conversations with loved ones, here are some ways to keep the dialogue grounded and meaningful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":1337,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[78,105,264],"tags":[254,292,343,342,344],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1336"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1336"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1336\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1338,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1336\/revisions\/1338"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1337"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1336"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1336"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1336"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}