{"id":1957,"date":"2022-02-08T13:27:08","date_gmt":"2022-02-08T02:27:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/?p=1957"},"modified":"2022-02-14T13:43:55","modified_gmt":"2022-02-14T02:43:55","slug":"the-dating-files-mistakes-we-make-when-we-look-for-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/the-dating-files-mistakes-we-make-when-we-look-for-love","title":{"rendered":"The dating files: Mistakes we make when we look for love"},"content":{"rendered":"

When we look for love, we have a tendency to compile the best and worst parts of our past relationships<\/a> into a mental guidebook of sorts. A dissimilar sense of humour: no. A devastating smile: yes. An overprotective best friend<\/a>: no. An addiction to terrible reality TV: yes.<\/p>\n

We compose our online dating profiles with meticulous scrutiny, mentally fleshing out the undertones of every word as if we\u2019re preparing for a one-in-a-thousand job interview. And then we get to the mother of all questions: \u201cWhat are you looking for in a relationship?\u201d Here, we faithfully write our checklist, a mosaic of highlights from our previous relationships. But is this the winning formula, or are we simply chasing a romantic illusion, destined for failure?<\/p>\n

Whether we date online, blindfolded, on reality TV, enjoy a one-night stand, or meet up in-person at a bar halfway between where both participants live, we tend to navigate dates with higher standards but old habits, ultimately leading to \u2026 well \u2026 mostly terrible results.<\/p>\n

According to love and relationship expert Dr Lurve, one of the biggest mistakes people make when they look for love is having oversized expectations. She says we often put pressure on ourselves to find a relationship by a deadline and, when we do, push to take it \u201cto the next stage\u201d within a specific timeline.<\/p>\n

\u201cEach relationship and person is unique, so your expectations going into dating can\u2019t be equal for everyone you meet; everyone is on their own path,\u201d she says. \u201cSo rather than meeting love with deadlines, be more open and accepting of \u2018what will be, will be\u2019 and enjoy the moment. As soon as we put pressure on ourselves, we lose the fun and thrills that dating can offer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Lurve also notes that we\u2019re often not as open to love as we might like to think, because we look for a very specific package: \u201cIn our minds, potential partners need to tick certain boxes to even be worthy of going on a date, and while standards are healthy and good to have, sometimes our boxes can be unrealistic and push us away from meeting really great people.<\/p>\n

\u201cForget the \u2018he needs to be at least six-feet tall\u2019 checkbox; you might be missing some really wonderful guys who are five-foot-seven-inches,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe same goes with age, certain features and careers that we look for in a partner. Looks fade, people get shorter; personality and the ability to make someone laugh is forever.\u201d<\/p>\n

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A post shared by Love & Relationship Coach \ud83e\udd0d (@dr.lurve)<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n