For some people, money is still a taboo topic \u2014 it\u2019s a super serious issue they just aren\u2019t comfortable talking about. And that\u2019s totally understandable. After all, money has divided families and jarred relationships. It\u2019s even started wars! Love it or loathe it, have too much or too little of it, one thing is certain: money is the cold, hard currency that defines much of the way we live. So it makes good sense to talk about it, especially in relationships. Right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s essential to have an open and honest dialogue about finances, as there will be issues about money you need to work through<\/a> as half of a couple. One person might earn far more than the other or have more assets. Some couples can also have different attitudes and values around money, as well as different spending habits. It\u2019s important to get clear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In intimate relationships money can impact so many things, especially self-esteem. Lea Schodel, CEO and founder of Wealthy, the Mindful Wealth movement, says there are many big issues around money in relationships. \u201cMoney brings up a lot of shame and guilt in relationships. Often people don\u2019t disclose their full financial position because they\u2019re worried about being judged, or they\u2019re embarrassed,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the past half-century, the concept of \u201cbreadwinner\u201d has changed significantly. In the past, many women often worked until they married and taking care of bills was a predominantly male domain. How times have changed, indeed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n These days, men and women both bring home the bacon and, while the glass ceiling for female wages hasn\u2019t been smashed completely, the cracks are definitely there. The gender pay gap is still hovering at just above 14 per cent. But overall, compared to previous generations, women are earning more, working for longer and more women are returning to work after having kids. Many more men are opting to be stay-at-home dads (current figures by the Australian Institute of Family Studies shows a humble 4 per cent) and both sexes are doing mature-age study, so dropping of fthe financial grid for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Each person contributes to a loving relationship. Financial experts agree that if one person is earning more, that shouldn\u2019t mean the other doesn\u2019t have equal say in how income is spent, saved and managed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Regardless of who has what, Lea says it\u2019s vital to remember that people should never be defined by their net worth. Obviously. \u201cHow much money you earn does not equate to the value that you bring to the relationship,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How individuals think and act around money is one of the biggest issues that create conflict in relationships. One partner might love to splash cash about, but the other watches every penny and goes through receipts with a fine tooth comb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Graham Smith, Chair of the Financial Counsellor\u2019s Association of NSW says everyone has their own spending style and attitude to money. \u201cIt\u2019s often learnt from your parents. If they liked to spend, your money values are likely to be similar,\u201d he says. \u201cAnd if they diligently saved up for purchases, you\u2019ll probably have that same mindset.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Regardless of your spending style, it\u2019s really important to work together and talk about it. It might not seem very romantic to make a date with your partner to discuss money, but it can help you to focus on shared financial goals so you can talk about what you\u2019re planning and working towards and look at ways you can manage things better together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona Bennett, a counsellor from Relationships Australia (WA), says going into your money discussions with an enquiring mind is a good way to get the ball rolling. \u201cBeing curious about what the other person wants and why they want it, as your starting point, can be really helpful,\u201d she says. \u201cYou\u2019ll often find some common ground you weren\u2019t expecting \u2014 and other solutions might become available because of that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fiona says each person has a different perspective on and way of looking at money. \u201cGenerally, money means one of three things: security, success or freedom,\u201d she says. Ask your partner which one of those things money means to them \u2014 no judgement. It just allows you to see the other person\u2019s perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Listening to the other person during money discussions is important. It doesn\u2019t mean you have to agree, but Fiona says acknowledging their perspective shows value and respect.\u201cOtherwise, you\u2019re just coming from your own point of view and banging on about that. The other person can\u2019t hear it because they\u2019re banging on about theirs,\u201dshe says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If things are getting heated, take a step back and re-engage when you\u2019re both feeling calm. Have a regular money date to discuss how you\u2019re feeling and ways you can tweak your expenditure if money is going out faster than it\u2019s coming in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Devise a money plan. For some, this could be adding up all the bills for the year and putting that amount aside week by week so the bills are covered. It\u2019s really up to each couple to determine what might work for them. Lea says, when working out a plan, focus on the positives and what you can work towards. \u201cIt\u2019s important to remember money is an enabler, a tool to create a life well lived. Planning wisely with it helps to create a shared vision of your life together,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When working out a spending plan with your other half, it\u2019s also a good idea to nominate an amount of discretionary income you can both spend on whatever you like. Lea says a good money plan looks at now versus the future. \u201cWhile we\u2019re always planning and looking forward to paying off debt, you need to balance it with living in the moment, otherwise you feel restricted and that can bring resentment into the relationship,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Taking care of finances is often delegated to just one person, which, of course, can be unfair if things don\u2019t go according to plan. Graham says accountability to pay bills on time and to balance expenditure and savings should be a joint venture. \u201cBy sharing the task both partners know what comes in and goes out in terms of bills,expenditure and savings,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\nTimes are changing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You are worth more than money <\/h2>\n\n\n\n
What\u2019s your money attitude?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a date<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Yours, mine & ours<\/h2>\n\n\n\n