{"id":795,"date":"2020-07-06T05:26:17","date_gmt":"2020-07-06T05:26:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/?p=795"},"modified":"2020-07-06T05:26:17","modified_gmt":"2020-07-06T05:26:17","slug":"how-to-survive-and-thrive-in-a-new-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/how-to-survive-and-thrive-in-a-new-relationship","title":{"rendered":"How to survive (and thrive) in a new relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

There is so much information out there about marriage, breaks-ups, divorce and being single. But what about the first stages of a new relationship? You know that all-consuming, falling-in-love phase when you\u2019ve committed to seeing one another, deleted the dating apps (hopefully) and may have even said the \u201cL\u201d word?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no surprise that a new relationship is fraught with both excitement and uncertainty. If you look back on the early stages of your relationship, you may find yourself dramatically uttering, \u201cIt was the best of times\u201d or \u201cit was the worst of times\u201d. If you\u2019re finding this rollercoaster of Charles Dickens quotes all too much, read on to find out how to navigate the early stages of your relationship.<\/p>\n

Your partner is not a mind reader<\/h1>\n

How many times have you sat with a friend who is complaining about their partner not \u201cunderstanding them\u201d or saying \u201cthey should just know how I feel\u201d? We\u2019ve all been guilty of that, but the reality is no one can know what you\u2019re thinking at all times. Unless you tell them, your partner can\u2019t know how you like to be spoken to, what makes you feel good or how you like to be loved. It\u2019s different for everyone. Expecting someone to guess what you need and want is a sure-fire way for them to stuff it up. Being clear about what you think, feel and want is not unromantic. It will make your life so much easier.<\/p>\n

Some people want help cleaning their car out, some want love notes left around, while others just want to sit and binge-watch Netflix with you. You can\u2019t know these things unless you ask.<\/p>\n

Sit down with your partner early on and figure out what your \u201clove language\u201d is. Dr Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages<\/em><\/a>, says, \u201cThe best way to start building relationship health is to better understand yourself.\u201d\u00a0 Have a conversation about why certain things are important to you. Doing so will avoid pointless arguments and hurt feelings.<\/p>\n

Getting to know yourself<\/h1>\n

Understanding who you are is essential to forming a strong, healthy relationship. When you\u2019re first dating someone or setting up an online-dating profile, you tend to emphasise what you desire in the other person.\u00a0But what about you? What do you bring to the relationship? This is beyond talking about your job or travelling adventures. It\u2019s about really knowing all<\/em> of who you are, including what you\u2019re proud of what you\u2019d like to work on.<\/p>\n

Maybe you have baggage from a previous relationship or perhaps you have an idea of how a relationship should<\/em> be. Spend some time reflecting on past relationships and any expectations you might have for your current or next relationship. Communicate clearly to your partner. Being more aware of how you react in certain situations (and why) will help you be a better partner.<\/p>\n

Getting to know your partner<\/h1>\n

Isn\u2019t it so wonderful when you\u2019re in your little love bubble? Maybe you\u2019ve been dating a few months, hand-in-hand strolling to dinner and then you bump into someone your partner \u201cused to have a thing with\u201d. The love bubble might briefly burst.<\/p>\n

In the first stages of committed dating, you have assumed the role of \u201cmost important person\u201d in your partner\u2019s life and yet you\u2019re still in the \u201cgetting to know you\u201d phase. It\u2019s weird, right? As you transition to having an identity as a couple, it\u2019s very normal and very likely you will sometimes feel awkward about this. Being in this phase is filled with both incredible excitement and incredible uncertainty. The promise of being closer to this person is exhilarating and yet you still don\u2019t know when their mum\u2019s birthday is. It\u2019s a strange time and one that may even make you feel a little intimidated or threatened as other people around you may know your partner better than you do right now. Simply allow space for these feelings to be there and don\u2019t take them as a sign that something is wrong. Keep getting to know your partner; the awkwardness will pass.<\/p>\n

Figuring out what is<\/em> and isn\u2019t<\/em> okay<\/h1>\n

Have you ever been in an argument with a partner and said the words, \u201cI can\u2019t believe you did that\u201d or \u201cHow could you think that was okay?\u201d When this happens, it usually means that you and your partner haven\u2019t had a clear conversation about what is and isn\u2019t okay by you. Sure, some people will do what they want anyway, but often a simple chat about this can save a lot of heartache.<\/p>\n

In her book Rising Strong<\/em>, Dr Bren\u00e9 Brown says, \u201cCompassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to and when they say yes, they mean it. They\u2019re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sitting down and having this conversation with a partner when you\u2019re in a new relationship is awkward and will probably wrack your nerves, but everyone has different versions of what is and isn\u2019t okay.<\/p>\n

Is it okay with you if your partner is friends with an ex? For some people, that would be an absolute no-no, while others may not bat an eyelid. Or perhaps you need to talk about how much time you and your partner spend together? Or who pays for what? Defining things in terms of what is and isn\u2019t okay can be a clarifying exercise because it helps you understand what\u2019s important to you (and your partner) \u2013 and can help you build a strong foundation for a successful future together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first 12 months of a romantic relationship can leave you feeling euphoric, exhilarated and uncertain all at once. Here are our tips to help you navigate the \u201cfall\u201d more smoothly.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":796,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[98,96],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/795"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=795"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/795\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":799,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/795\/revisions\/799"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=795"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=795"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wellbeing.com.au\/curious\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=795"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}