Stay at home. That was the mantra parroted by hashtags and health officials during the Covid-19 pandemic. For months at a time, many of us were confined to our homes, physically distanced and discouraged from any sort of social gathering. It would be no surprise if you’re still feeling the knock-on effects of social isolation, years later.

And you wouldn’t be alone. The Connections Matter report by KPMG Australia in collaboration with Groundswell Foundation (a foundation established to address the growing issue of loneliness and its impact on mental health in Australia) found over one in two Australians (54 per cent) reported they felt more lonely since the start of the pandemic.

The myth that loneliness affects mostly older generations has been busted; multiple studies suggest the loneliest people in our society right now are young people, particularly women. The Talking Loneliness report by Telstra recently found one in two Gen Z and millennials reported they regularly feel lonely — a figure much higher than that of other generations, and showed they are also the generations most embarrassed to admit to being lonely.

With the World Health Organisation reporting the pandemic triggered a 25 per cent increase in anxiety and depression worldwide, there has never been a more important time to work towards stamping out chronic loneliness.

A silent health crisis

There is no swab test for loneliness. No pill, vaccine or isolation period to resolve it. Yet to ignore loneliness is harmful to both your body and mind.

While being alone at times is a natural and healthy part of life, prolonged periods of loneliness can be detrimental to our health and result in increased anxiety, depression, poor sleep, high blood pressure, dementia and suicidality. The Connections Matter report describes loneliness as “the silent killer”, increasing the risk of mortality by 26 per cent, and stated, “There is mounting evidence that loneliness may become the Western world’s next health crisis.”

Research published in the Journal of the American Heart Association also suggests social isolation and loneliness have detrimental effects on both the heart and brain and are associated with roughly a 30 per cent increased risk of heart attack or stroke.

Creatures of habit

Loneliness has been an iss ue for decades, but the pandemic was fuel on the fire, drastically accelerating the issue. Dr Michelle Lim is the Scientific Chair of Ending Loneliness Together, a national network of organisations that work together to combat chronic loneliness in Australia. She is also a clinical psychologist and is considered the country’s leading expert on loneliness. Dr Michelle believes the transition to the “new normal” of a post-pandemic world will take some time.

“Humans are creatures of habit,” says Dr Michelle. “We tend to take a long while to adjust. So even though we haven’t had restrictions for [over] a year, the adjustment of interacting and moving from digital to eye contact and face-to-face interaction is different. Some people are energised by it, but others are exhausted by it. So, in terms of [re-building] social confidence, it will take a while.

“We thought that people would be less lonely [once restrictions eased],” she continues, “but for most people, having to readjust back to the social environment was quite anxiety-provoking for them.”

Re-learning social confidence

Low social confidence is proving to be a key cause of loneliness, particularly for women. Abbie Williams is a Mental Health First Aid Instructor and founder of Letters of Hope, a mental health charity that sends letters of support to those who are experiencing loneliness or mental health struggles
— requests are made via their website. The charity has sent more than 1500 letters to 21 countries, sharing helpful coping strategies, words of encouragement and friendly connection.

Loss of social confidence and social anxiety are themes Abbie regularly sees in her letter recipients, most of them being women within the 18-35-age bracket. “A lot of my letter recipients are burnt out and exhausted,” she says. “When we were in lockdown, we settled into a comfort bubble where we were able to forget about small talk and social etiquette. There’s big pressure for us to now appreciate life with a new perspective and enjoy our freedom, and I also think there is a sense of guilt for some people who long for their comfort bubble back. Not many people are talking about it because they feel like they should be thankful, and that can feel really lonely too! They reach out for a letter of hope because they have an opportunity to vent to a stranger who isn’t going to judge them for what they are feeling.”

Alone, together

Abbie is no stranger to feeling alone and isolated. She struggled with loneliness when she moved from the UK to Australia in 2017 and found solace in a routine of sending and receiving handwritten letters to her grandparents in England, which inspired the launch of Letters of Hope. Recognising she wasn’t alone in her struggles and connecting with a counsellor were important steps for overcoming her loneliness and loneliness stigma.

“Another big part of me feeling connected was actually putting my hand up and saying, ‘I am actually not ok’ and asking for professional help,” she says. “Also, having vulnerability with those around me and sharing what I was feeling inside. It was really scary, but that honesty has allowed me to connect with others on a level I never knew I could. People started opening up to me and also feeling less alone.”

It’s important to recognise that loneliness is a normal, evolutionary signal from your mind that something needs to change. “The first step is to understand you are not alone in feeling lonely,” says Dr Michelle. “Loneliness is a normal signal to do something different about social connection, to revise it, to look at what you need within a social network. It’s normal for us to feel lonely, but what’s not helpful is to stay lonely. See it as a signal for your mind to respond to your basic human need.”

Un-social media

Often painted as the root of distraction, social media is a double-edged sword for loneliness. Most platforms are designed to keep you on the app for as long as possible, to keep you scrolling and “liking”; the versions of today are not built around creating meaningful connections.

According to Dr Michelle, although social media can be helpful for staying connected with friends, particularly those who live overseas, don’t allow it to replace face-to-face interaction, but do use it to facilitate connection. Focus on the quality of connections, rather than the quantity.

Don’t mindlessly scroll your feed or get caught up in comparisons. Instead, create connections through joining online groups with local likeminded people, for example a group for parents, dog walkers, hobby enthusiasts or a local community board. Use social media to facilitate quality conversations with fewer people and arrange in-person meetings, but limit your usage and switch off doom-scrolling and constant notifications.

Regain control

Finding the path out of loneliness may feel like fumbling for a switch in a dark room. If you’re unable speak with a trusted person face-to-face, pick up the phone, send a text, or — like Abbie — write a heartfelt letter. There may be times when connecting with others is impractical or you feel like you don’t have anyone to reach out to. There are still things you can do to empower yourself and manage loneliness on your own terms.

Nancy Sokarno is a Sydney-based psychologist with Lysn, an online provider of mental health tools and counselling. Nancy suggests practising mindfulness and getting outside into nature can be a helpful first step. “Nature can work wonders for our mental health,” she says. “Studies have shown that being in nature, or even simply viewing scenes of nature, can reduce anger, fear and stress and increases positive feelings. While getting out and about on your own can sometimes feel like the last thing on your mind, if you commit to getting some time outside the house, you might be pleasantly surprised. Staying indoors can sometimes increase feelings of loneliness, which can contribute to feelings of depression — it’s a vicious cycle. You feel too low to go out, but staying home only reinforces this feeling of isolation. So get yourself out there, rain, hail or shine.”

Nancy says volunteering is also a good way to make social connections with like-minded people, while also helping others. Alternatively, our furry friends can be valuable for targeting loneliness. “Animals can provide valuable companionship to humans, so if you’re lucky enough to own a pet, spend some quality time with it,” she says. “Animals can give us comfort just as much as we can give them comfort. So take your dog for a walk, help out at an animal shelter, or go for a walk to the local dog park and interact with the animals and their owners.”

If loneliness feels too overwhelming to shake off on your own, reach out to a professional. Your GP should be able to connect you with a psychologist or mental health professional. Remember that you may be lonely, but you are never alone.

Jo Jukes is a British-born freelance writer based in Sydney. She loves waking up to the sound of the ocean and writes about travel, health and wellbeing. Find her on Instagram @what_joey_did_next