What is the deal-breaker in starting a relationship?

What qualities do you want in a romantic partner? Perhaps you’ve thought, “I want him to have the wit of Oscar Wilde and the chest of a gorilla”, or maybe you thought, “I want her to be as gentle as deer nuzzling a newborn fawn and to have legs like a giraffe, minus the spots”. The thing is, according to a new study, when it comes to making decisions about a new partner it is not positive qualities like wit and gentility that seal the deal. Instead, it is the negative qualities in a potential partner that actually determine if you have a chance together.

It appears then, since avoiding negative qualities is more important than enjoying positive qualities, that relationships are less about reaching for the stars and more about risk aversion.

In the new study, researchers conducted six separate experiments and found that when evaluating potential mates people place more value on negative qualities than on positive qualities. This was so much so that even having a few positive qualities could be negated by having one or two negative qualities. So what were those relationship deal-breakers?

In no particular order, the negative qualities that would prevent a relationship happening were: limited social status, undesirable personality traits, unattractiveness, unhealthy lifestyle, undesirable personality traits, differing religious beliefs, differing relationship goals and differing mating strategies.

It appears then, since avoiding negative qualities is more important than enjoying positive qualities, that relationships are less about reaching for the stars and more about risk aversion. In other words, despite the old cliché, it’s really not you, it’s them.