Knowing you

One of the most common pieces of advice given across all religions and philosophies is to “know yourself”. That might sound easy but is in reality it can be a difficult task and according to a new report it is one that you cannot undertake alone.

It is tempting to think that you know yourself better than anyone else can. Yet is that really true? This is what researchers set out to discover by reviewing all available studies on the topic.

They found that people do know some things about themselves but there are significant limitations to that knowledge. Genuine self-knowledge is hindered your wishes, fears, and unconscious motives. The most dominant of these subterranean motivations is the need to maintain a self-image, whether that image be good or bad. Research has shown that even watching yourself on video does not substantially the self-image that you have set up.

If to know yourself is the goal then, how do you achieve it?

The answer is not revolutionary but it is worth reminding yourself of; other people. Those who spend the most time with you know you best but even strangers will know things about you that you may not be aware of. Your clothes, gait, facial expression, and even your tweets tell strangers something about you, even if that knowledge is not consciously gathered.

However, there are limitations to what others can know about you. Those close to you will have their own reasons for wanting, or not wanting, to see certain aspects of you. Strangers of course will tend to generalise and stereotype you.

So in order to know yourself you need not only your own awareness of yourself but also the awareness of others. To really know you, you will need the insight of friends and to hear the observations of strangers. The other side of this is that your friends need you to help them understand themselves. Even the researchers writing this report comment how difficult it is to get good honest feedback.

All of that is not a license for emotional brutality. It is however a reminder that we need to talk to each other.

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