Dirty rotten offices

The office is a temple of doom for the unwary traveller; danger lurks around every corner. There is the ever-present close-talker; your colleague, usually with scant dental hygiene, who wants to tell you everything that their poodle did last night and has to do it at such close range that you can actually watch their pores filling with sebum during the conversation. There are the dark powers of the “snack-box”, located in the kitchen area or break room and possessed of subliminal powers to break down your psychology to such a extent that your trip to get a glass of water finds you returning with two chocolate bars, a packet of chips, and something Canadian that you have never had but which sounds nice and has added maple syrup. Yes, many are the perils that infest your office space, your intended place of work, but in reality a terrifying maze of hidden gargoyles ready to ensnare the unwary soul. We can’t inure you against close-talkers and snack-boxes but we can report to you the latest research which has revealed the place in your office most laden with germs and therefore most likely to infect you.

Microbiologists analysed samples taken from various areas around offices using an ATP Meter, a device commonly used to assess hygiene conditions in industry. The device measures the amount of adenosine triphosphate (ATP) that is present on surfaces. ATP is the molecule that provides energy for humans, animals, plants, bacteria, yeast, and moulds. Large amounts are present in food residue and anything that was once living. So lots of ATP found indicates a surface that would favour the growth of bacteria as they would have plenty to feed on.

An ATP count of 300 or more means the surface has a high level of contamination and therefore a high risk of illness transmission even though nothing may be present to the naked eye.

Brace yourselves and hold your tissues over your mouth and nose because the researchers found ATP counts over 300 on; 75 per cent of break room or kitchen tap handles, 48 per cent of microwave door handles, 27 per cent of keyboards, 26 per cent of refrigerator door handles, 23 per cent of water cooler taps or buttons, and 21 per cent of vending machine buttons. Additionally, more than 50 per cent of all computer mice and desk phones had an ATP count over 100.

That all adds up to the fact that your deft attempts to open the doors to the bathroom and operate the taps with your elbows and ankles could be for nothing unless you don a hazmat suit to protect you against the festering perils of the office break room or kitchen. No wonder the coffee vans that come to your office do such a roaring trade…