The revolution of choosing yourself
Learn how to cultivate self-trust, make choices that honour you, and strengthen your confidence, clarity, and inner resilience.
If you take a moment to reflect on your life and what motivates your everyday decisions, you’ll likely notice that many of your choices are shaped by external pressures and expectations. These forces don’t always have your best interest at heart. You might find yourself following a path that feels familiar or socially acceptable, rather than one that truly aligns with your values and needs.
Yet, there is another way to guide your decisions, one that feels empowering and allows you to experience life on your own terms. It begins with giving yourself the space to check in with that inner part of you that knows you best and wants the best for you. It involves learning to trust yourself.
Self-trust isn’t something you’re often taught. In a world full of responsibilities and pressure to be everything to everyone, tuning in and choosing yourself can feel unfamiliar, even rebellious. But it’s also one of the most liberating things you can do.
Having your own back
The easiest way to understand self-trust is to consider how you trust others. When you trust someone, you know they’ll act in a way that honours your wellbeing. You feel safe with them, knowing they won’t intentionally hurt you. You might even think of someone in your life who brings this sense of safety and comfort.
Now imagine cultivating that same trust within yourself, having your own back, no matter what. At its core, self-trust is the capacity to choose what’s best for you from a place of kindness and compassion, not just in the moment but over the long term. It invites a letting go of external validation. Self-trust calls for both humility and courage: it is not about avoiding mistakes, but about not being afraid to make them.
And that’s a big part of what makes it so freeing. Clinical psychologists Linda and Charlie Bloom explain that self-trust isn’t expecting yourself to have all the answers or always get it right. Rather, it’s “having the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome.”
In practical terms, this means treating yourself with honesty and care, even when things go awry, with the same warmth you’d offer a dear friend. Brené Brown’s BRAVING framework (Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-judgment and Generosity) offers a helpful lens: it encourages you to show up for yourself consistently, honour your own boundaries and respond with kindness and curiosity when you fall short.
This honouring doesn’t happen overnight. It’s built gradually, with thousands of small “yes” moments to yourself each time you make a choice that supports your wellbeing.
The upside
Building this kind of capacity includes cutting through the noise of what the world, other people and circumstances have conditioned you to believe or do. It means learning to recognise and return to your innermost nature, a part of you that needs only acknowledgement, love and nurturing to transform how you experience life and live it to the fullest.
When you cultivate self-trust, you no longer need to outsource your worth to others’ opinions or constantly seek reassurance outside yourself. You become more anchored, more discerning, and more connected to what genuinely matters. From this place, choices become clearer, boundaries become kinder, and your energy flows toward what nourishes you, not what depletes you. You take your power back.
Building self-trust
Self-trust grows through consistent, everyday actions that show you can rely on yourself, especially when it would be easier to fall back on old habits. Here are practical steps to begin.
1. Check in with yourself
When was the last time you paused to truly check in with your heart and allow your inner voice to be heard? Try asking yourself questions such as:
• What is my heart saying to me?
• What does my body need today?
• How am I feeling, really?
• Can I allow this without judgement?
• Do I give myself permission to lean into what I’m feeling?
Journalling is a powerful tool to explore these questions.
2. Make choices from self-compassion
If you’ve spent years putting others first, often at the expense of your own wellbeing or desires, you’re not alone. When your choices are shaped by beliefs about how you “should” be, it’s easy to lose sight of what you truly need. Choosing from self-compassion means allowing the compassion you offer others to include yourself too. Try asking:
• What is the best next move for me?
• What would my future self in one, five or 10 years choose?
• What would I regret the least?
3. Invite courage
Stepping outside of your comfort zone takes courage, especially when people-pleasing has been your default. It can feel unfamiliar, even scary, to make choices that are aligned with your inner knowing. Here are small ways to start following what your heart knows:
• Let a trusted friend or mum collect your child one afternoon.
• Order in instead of cooking.
• Choose to leave work on time.
• Stay in bed a little longer on the weekend.
• Say no to plans if you need rest.
• Each small act builds self-trust.
4. Be patient with the process
Self-trust is a lifelong practice. You’ve likely poured your heart and energy into caring for others, so now it’s about learning to keep showing up for yourself. There’s no perfect way to do this. It’s a process of tuning in, again and again, to that quiet voice inside.
Be gentle. Forgive yourself when it doesn’t go to plan. Self-soothing gestures help anchor compassion in the body, such as:
• Reminding yourself: “It’s okay. I’m trying my best.”
• Giving yourself a hug or placing a hand on your heart.
5. Reflect
Take time each week to reflect on your relationship with self-trust. Ask yourself:
• When was the last time I made a choice aligned with my values, even if it felt uncomfortable?
• How did it feel afterward?
• What would it look like to prioritise self-compassion in three decisions I’ll make this week?
These reflections help integrate trust into your daily life.
Start today
Building self-trust isn’t a destination. It’s an ongoing relationship, one that asks for patience, compassion and the courage to keep listening to your inner voice. Each time you show up for yourself, no matter how small the action, you strengthen that trust.
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life to build self-trust. Being where you are. Maybe that means noticing when you’re tired and allowing yourself to rest. Maybe it means honouring a quiet no when your habit has been to say yes. Each of these moments, when repeated, rewires your relationship with yourself. You create an inner environment where your needs are heard, valued and respected. From that space, your self-confidence and clarity naturally begin to rise.
